Taking Control 

I want to share a deceptively simple, yet powerful and versatile, mental tool. Let’s set the stage. 

You’re sitting atop a cold, metal, gray horse with its head lifted up. The horse is moving up and down, completely out of sync with the tinny, distorted, carnival tune that seems to be repeating itself much too quickly. You’re also spinning around, but not in a way that lets you see the sights outside and wave to a loved one. Nope, you need to hang on tightly and are feeling slightly nauseous. 

You close your eyes, take a deep breath,  and something shifts inside you. When you open your eyes you now see the lever to your left. You realize the words “Up” and “Down” are clearly marked. Then, you notice the “Fast” and “Slow” labels, along with the volume button you were in control of the whole time you’ve been on this nightmare of a ride.

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It is easy to find yourself in a pattern that at first seems completely out of your control with nightmarish qualities. Whether it’s your morning routine that doesn’t give you time to sit down and enjoy breakfast, let alone journaling or a five minute walk, or your 3pm snack habit, you just don’t see how to break free of the habits and patterns that have a hold of you. 

How are you supposed to improve your nutrition when Delores in accounting keeps bringing in her peanut butter and chocolate bars that have the perfect combination of sweetness and texture? Your gym bag is in the car to get to that yoga class after work. You signed up for the class online. Ugh, now you have to pick your sick kid up from daycare. 

These real challenges and obstacles are not your fault, but they’re also not the reason you’re not moving forward toward your goals. 

Find Control

Looking at any change that you want to make and classifying your action and the circumstances that surround the change into what is IN YOUR CONTROL versus what is OUT OF YOUR CONTROL can be both incredibly simple to implement, yet highly effective. This is an incredibly versatile tool derived from the stoics of long ago. You can pick up for simple, daily decisions or use it to examine life’s bigger and deeper questions. 

Just like you wouldn’t learn to drive by taking control over an 18 wheeler on the expressway, let’s start simple slow, like taking a go kart for a spin around an open field. 

Let’s take a look at your morning routine to take this tool for a test drive. No, you can’t control that your partner is up early and is being chatty while you’re trying to get out the door. You can’t control that it snowed, and you need a few extra minutes to sweep the snow off the car. You KNOW you can’t control how long the kids take to eat their breakfast or get dressed. When you take a breath and think about it, there are things you CAN control about that morning routine, especially if you start the night before. 

You CAN pack your lunch the night before. Big salad with protein for the win! You CAN set your alarm 10 minutes earlier. You really can not hit the snooze alarm when it goes off. You can decide what you are wearing the night before. You can even have the kids pack up their backpack and put it by the door. Add in making a conscious choice to stay off social media and you’ve built in peace and likely time for some journaling into your morning routine.

You can continue to use the simple T chart when it comes to your fitness goals. You know the benefits of a good night’s sleep, but your sleep score average is not where you want it to be. You feel the effects in the morning and dread the afternoon slump that you have found yourself in day after day. 

What is out of your control with this? The neighbor’s dog barking randomly at 1 am, the 8am meeting you need to be at in the morning, and your struggle to fall back to sleep in the middle of the night. Take a moment and ask yourself, what is honestly in your control? Can you change the settings on your phone to dark mode to reduce the blue light’s messing with your circadian rhythm? Can you wear those ear plugs you bought for traveling tonight in case that terrier is on the terror again? You can choose not to have caffeine after 1pm today, sure it you may feel that 3pm slump a bit more, but you can step outside for 5 minutes then rather than reaching for the Diet Coke. You can choose to get up and pee when you wake up and not try to do that middle of the night math to see if the amount of time until your alarm goes off is worth getting out of bed for. Trust me, you’ll sleep better by taking care of your body. It’s worth it. 

Let’s test drive another common nutrition challenge. Maybe one of your nutrition goals is eating 100g of protein each day. You can control taking 5 to 10  minutes the night before to plan your snacks and meals for the day. You can keep an extra protein bar in your purse to make it easier to choose a protein snack rather than grabbing the pretzels or chips from the vending machine. You can take the salmon out of the freezer this morning, so you’re ready to put it in the airfryer and on top of your salad at dinner. You can post the list of go to protein sources on your fridge, so that when you hear of the latest cottage cheese dessert, you write it down before you forget. Now that you’ve learned to steer while accelerating around a curve, you’re ready for another layer of complexity-the Zone of Influence. The late Steven Covey included this in his work, which rather than the straight lines of the T chart, is more clearly illustrated using a circle chart.

Let’s use something with a bit more complexity-your hunger. There are many daily choices that you are in complete control over when it comes to your hunger. For the inner circle of what is “In My Control” you can include eating a big salad every day, and eating before your hunger turns hangry or larger than you can handle. Hitting your protein target is another great strategy to keep yourself feeling full longer. 

You may feel the physical hunger pains intensely and quickly after eating. Food noise is louder for some than others, and which simply is not fair. Enter the Zone of Influence…While you cannot control how your body feels hunger, especially during a fat loss phase,  there may be ways you can influence your mindset and body. 

 You can remind yourself that feeling hungry an hour before lunch is not an emergency, and that you will be fine waiting. You can choose to eat the apple from your lunch now. You can also experiment with eating a lunch with a variety of nutrients, including some healthy fats to notice how that affects your afternoon snack choice. You can plan your meals and snacks ahead of time (Hmmmm, notice how much impact planning can have?), so that you are not making decisions only based on your hunger. Let’s not forget that having food that you enjoy and are looking forward to can also help you stick to your plan when hunger sets in.

A Quick Science Lesson

Research in neuroplasticity has revealed that we can change our habitual thoughts and nervous system’s reactions. You can rewire your brain to respond with more positive and empowering responses to situations. Using tools such as the T chart and the Zone of Influence can be part of this, literal brain rewiring. 

No, this does not happen as quickly using a brush hog to clear a path in the woods, yet thinking a new thought repeatedly, over time will retrain your brain to think thoughts that are more encouraging and make moving toward your goals a bit easier. Those neurons begin to fire together and create an easier path for those thoughts we practice thinking. 

Put It Into Practice

Here’s your mission….grab a pen and a sticky note. Make your T chart. On one side, write “IN” and on the other write “OUT.” Choose one area you’d like to make just a bit better. Write down 3-5 actions that are IN your control. Follow through with these today. Also write down 3-5 ways this issue is OUT of your control. Remember to keep your focus on what you can do. 

Take this one step further and schedule a time in the next couple of days to either sit down with a journal or reflect on this out loud (It’s ok, you can just pretend you’re on your phone while you’re on a walk. I won’t tell anyone.). Use the framework of what is in your control, out of your control, and in your zone of influence to explore a more complex topic, such as managing your stress or taking on improving your sleep.

Give yourself credit for being open to consider learning a new tool. Pat yourself on the back for picking up the tool and trying it out. 

Remember, you are in control and can choose where to put your attention. Claim your power. 

In Love and Grace, 

Heidi